In a relationship, is there anything more gut-wrenching (or confusing!) than the phrases “Leave me alone” or “I need space”?
UGH. What are you supposed to do with that?!
What does it mean? What should you do?
The stakes are high. In this post and video, I’m going to show you what “Leave me alone” means to women and what it means to men (they’re different!) so that you can feel confident about how to respond to your partner in a way that serves the relationship, builds trust, and strengthens your bond.
Pay close attention. Doing this wrong can ruin a good thing.
“Leave Me Alone!” Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means
For Men
When it comes to a man, the words “Leave me alone,” mean one thing only: Leave him the heck alone or face the fire-breathing dragon.
No mystery.
No intrigue.
No dance steps.
It means exactly what it says.
Often, women make more of it than it is and take it personally as if they’ve done something wrong and he’s mad.
99% of the time, he wants to be alone for a while to cool down, relax, let off steam, take a break from thinking about somebody else’s needs — and it has NOTHING to do with his lovely partner. After a short cave time, he’s ready to play again!
As long as she doesn’t get needy or angry during this critical cave time, the relationship stays strong, and “Leave me alone” or “I need space” isn’t a big deal — it’s just straightforward communication.
The 3 Real Reasons Men Pull Away
Men really need this time to pull away, and it’s not personal. It’s actually the best thing for your relationship. If you’re curious to learn more about why that is (and what you can do about it), I have afree 3-day email coursethat will explain EXACTLYWhy Men Pull Away, from a scientific and biological perspective.You cansign up to get it right here.
For Women
But when it comes to a woman, this phrase is slightly more nuanced and can mean more than one thing.
(It’s not fair, but it’s true.)
This leaves most men confused. Sometimes, when a woman says, “Leave me alone,” and a man automatically respects it (as he would hope she would do for him), she gets even more upset.
This is mind-boggling. After all, she just said the words, “Leave me alone.” So why is he in trouble for respecting her wishes?
This is an age-old question. And I’ve got the answer.
This Is What “Leave Me Alone!” Really Means
Women have two different meanings for the phrase, “Leave me alone!”
Meaning #1: “I’m very upset with you. You did something to piss me off, and I’m not available for intimacy. It’s not going to be easy for you to make this better. You screwed up dude. You better fight to make it up to me.”
Meaning #2: “I need some me-time to relax and be by myself. I’m not available for intimacy right now or for giving to anyone. I just need to give to myself right now, and I need space to do it.”
Because there are two unique meanings for the same words, men have a 50% chance of totally screwing up.
Not great odds.
High-Stakes Misunderstanding: What Happens When You Guess Wrong
If she’s aligned with meaning #1 and you choose to leave her alone, bad things will happen.
If you don’t follow her, apologize, and try to make things better, she feels like you don’t love her and that she’s not important to you. If she felt hurt before, she feels even more hurt now.
This can result in:
1. An explosive fight later on when you least expect it where she lists ALL the things you’ve ever done wrong.
2. A slow-burning resentment that causes her to nitpick, criticize, and ice you out of her heart completely.
If she’s aligned with meaning #2 and you choose to run after her, bad things will happen.
If you follow her when she needs me-time, and she’s expressly set the boundary that she wants to be left alone...
1. You will lose her trust. A woman needs to feel that her boundaries and requests will be honored; otherwise, she feels that she can’t trust you. Trust is one of the main ways a man receives love. Without it, the love will slowly disintegrate under a blanket of doubt, insecurity, and secrets.
2. She will feel like she needs to take care of your feelings. She will feel guilty for pulling away and will sacrifice her need for space and me-time in order to make you happy and ease your concern.
This is not what a woman does for her man; this is what a mommy does for her son. Over time, with enough of these sacrifices, she will lose any and all sexual attraction she had for you, and you can kiss your sex life goodbye.
So you see, this “leave me alone” misunderstanding can be high stakes.
When to Chase and When to Walk Away
So the question is: When should you chase after her and when should you actually honor the words she’s saying and “leave her alone?”
What I’m about to reveal is not a perfect system, but it’s the most consistently effective strategy I’ve found.
And it’s probably no surprise that my strategy is communication.
3-Step Formula Script to Find the Truth of Her Meaning
Step 1: Follow her, but give her plenty of physical space. Don’t act scared. Be confident. This is about her — not you.
Say, “Hey. I’m just checking in. Have I done anything to make you feel unloved?”
Step 2: Give her a couple of minutes to answer.
Ever seen an ice-cream cake melt in the sun at a birthday party? If she’s upset with you, then this is what’s happening to the ice she’s built around her heart for protection. It’s slowly melting.
Step 1 followed by step 2 will invite her to:
1. Open her heart and say what she’s upset about so that she can feel better OR
2. Say, “It’s all good. Just leave me alone.”
Step 3: If she remains quiet, and she refuses to answer you, say, “Is there anything I can do for you?”
This is a second invitation. Sometimes, with women, it takes two.
1. If she asks for anything now, give it to her. This will re-instate intimacy and trust. Just the simple act of getting her a glass of water or getting her a Kleenex box can be all it takes for her to open up.
2. If she says “No,” say, “Just let me know. Enjoy your me-time.”Walk away, and leave her alone.
But…what if she lies?
The secret is: Believe her — whether she’s telling you the truth or not.
With these three communication steps, you’ve done your part. You’ve said the most loving, safe, and inviting things you could say.
A woman needs to learn to be responsible for her own happiness if she hopes to have a successful relationship.
She needs to learn to be able to:
1. Articulate her upset feelings when you’ve lovingly extended the invitation.
2. Verbally confirm her desire for me-time with confidence when you check-in.
Relationships take two to tango. Communication is a responsibility that falls on each partner.
This is how a man can best communicate an invitation to his partner to communicate her true intention behind the words, “Leave me alone.”
Otherwise, a man is left in the realm of guessing — and I think we all know how frustrating that is for both the man and the woman.
With love,
FAQs
What's a short answer question? ›
Some assignments have questions that are broken down into parts that each require a brief answer. These are called short answer questions. Short answer questions require concise answers so it is essential to read the question carefully and to take account of the process words.
How can I get any questions answers? ›To find an accurate, peer-reviewed answer to your question, the best place to look is academic websites. Search the website for articles, lectures, and videos relevant to your question to gather research towards the answer. Some popular academic websites include Academia, JSTOR, and Bartleby.
What are very short answer type questions? ›In a short answer question, the student types in a word or phrase in response to a question (that may include an image). Answers may or may not be case sensitive. The answer could be a word or a phrase, but it must match one of your acceptable answers exactly.
How do you answer questions? ›In short, explain the problem (how, and why), then explain the solution (what, how, and why), and finish by linking the point back to the thesis in question. Rinse and repeat this three times.
What is a 5 question? ›Origin of the 5 W Questions
These are translated as: who, what, when, where, why, in what way, by what means.
The Answer Line (ANSLIN) command prepares the system for an incoming call on a line that is not configured for auto-answer. When a call arrives, the system operator manually answers, validates the requirements of the caller, and then enters the Answer Line (ANSLIN) command.
Is there a website that answers any question? ›Today, Quora is a popular Q&A websites, helping connect experts for almost any topic imaginable.
What is the best app for answers? ›- 2. Answers - Homework Help. (Android, iPhone, iPad) ...
- CameraMath - Homework Help. (Android, iPhone, iPad) ...
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- Chegg. ...
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- Read the question carefully. What is the question asking for? ...
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- Always be polite and have fun.
- General or Yes/No Questions.
- Special or Wh-Questions.
- Choice Questions.
- Disjunctive or Tag Questions.
What type of question has no answer? ›
rhetorical question Add to list Share. When you ask a rhetorical question, you don't really expect an answer.
What is a very random question? ›Good random questions to ask people. What do you think the meaning of life is? If money were no object, what would you do? If you found out you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today? What is the most unexpected piece of advice you ever received?
How do you answer smartly? ›- Make Sure You Understand The Question. ...
- Take Time To Respond. ...
- Answer Part Of The Question. ...
- Postpone Your Answer. ...
- Turn Around the Pronouns. ...
- Divert The Question. ...
- Give The Asker Some Control. ...
- Watch Your Tone.
- make a point.
- give a reason why (often given as 'because')
- state the consequence (positive or negative) for the business.
- Read all questions carefully. ...
- Good handwriting. ...
- Structure your answer. ...
- Use simple language. ...
- Don't write everything you know. ...
- Review your answers thoroughly. ...
- Choose questions wisely. ...
- Attempt all the questions.
They include Who, What, When Where, and Why. The 5 Ws are often mentioned in journalism (cf. news style), research, and police investigations. They constitute a formula for getting the complete story on a subject.
What are the 21 Questions? ›- What's the weirdest dream you've ever had?
- If you could travel to any year in a time machine, what year would you choose and why?
- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
- What's one of the most fun childhood memories you have?
There is a consistent set of characteristics that describe a strong question. It is always open – ended, thought – provoking, and clear. Open – ended questions . . . • are designed to elicit numerous responses. • invite multiple perspectives and a wide range.
What is an answer called? ›Canopy. A canopy is an architectural projection that provides weather protection, identity or decoration and is supported by the building to which it is attached and at the outer end by not less than one stanchion.
Why is it called answer? ›answer (n.)
Middle English answere, from Old English andswaru "a response, a reply to a question," from and- "against" (from PIE root *ant- "front, forehead," with derivatives meaning "in front of, before") + -swaru "affirmation," from swerian "to swear" (see swear).
What is a respond answer? ›
intransitive verb. : to say something in return : make an answer. respond to criticism. : to react in response. responded to a call for help.
Does answers com still exist? ›The Answers.com domain name was purchased by entrepreneurs Bill Gross and Henrik Jones at idealab in 1996. The domain name was acquired by NetShepard and subsequently sold to GuruNet and then AFCV Holdings. The website is now the primary product of the Answers Corporation.
What website gives you answers to homework? ›Chegg Study, also known as Cramster, provides students with homework help through offering solutions for your textbook and homework problems.
Is there an app that can answer any question? ›Quora is a free question-and-answer app like the website with the same name.
Where can I get free answers? ›- Answers.com. User-powered question and answer platform. ...
- Ask a Librarian. Online reference desk service from the Library of Congress. ...
- Brainly. Post questions to a community of millions of students and teachers. ...
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JustAnswer is a service that provides expert answers. You can use the service on a computer or mobile device, but you do need an account. Memberships cost $74 per month but ensure you have 24/7, unlimited access to experts in a wide range of industries.
What's an app that gives you answers to homework? ›With Brainly, you'll get help instantly. Use our math scanner & word problem solver to find answers to complex problems.
How do you answer a question without giving an answer? ›- "I'm sorry but I'm not able to speak to that subject"
- "Thanks for asking but I'm not able to answer that question"
- "I'm sorry but that information is proprietary"
You need to answer briefly, but in a positive way. “Great!” “I'm doing really well, thank you,” or “Fantastic!” are all good ways to answer. They will tell the other person that you are enthusiastic and ready to work.
What are the 7 key questions? ›Ask the right question: Who, What, Why, When, Where, How, How Much? - Consultant's Mind. These 7 key questions are a great checklist, but also a sanity check.
What are 3 questioning techniques? ›
- Closed questions (aka the 'Polar' question) ...
- Open questions. ...
- Probing questions. ...
- Leading questions. ...
- Loaded questions. ...
- Funnel questions. ...
- Recall and process questions. ...
- Rhetorical questions.
The Four Great Questions of Life: Who Am I? Where Do I Come From? What Is My Purpose? Where Am I Going?
What are hard questions to answer? ›- Do you feel like you've lived this same day many times before? ...
- Are you living the life of your dreams? ...
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- What were you doing when you felt most passionate and alive?
- Do you vote?
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- What makes you choose it? ...
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Typical length limits are in the 150-word (Harvard) to 250-word (USC) range. The length requirements for the short answer have changed over the past decade.
What is the difference between short answer and long answer? ›In casual conversation, short answers are much more common than long answers. Long answers are for more formal conversations or if you want to give more information in your response.
How long is a short answer response? ›
Typically, a shorter response will be one to two paragraphs and often your assignment or exam will give you a specific word limit. A key difference between an essay and a shorter response is length; this means you must be very concise and focused.
What word count is 5 minutes? ›750 words is 5 minutes of speaking time.
How long is 500 words? ›Answer: 500 words is 1 page single spaced or 2 pages double spaced.
How long is a 100 word answer? ›100 words is about 0.5-1 paragraphs for essays or 1-2 for easier reading (to allow skimming). A paragraph length typically has 100-200 words and 5-6 sentences.
How do you start an answer? ›Begin each answer with one or two sentence thesis which summarizes your answer. If possible, phrase the statement so that it rephrases the question's essential terms into a statement (which therefore directly answers the essay question).
How do you write a good answer? ›- Read all questions carefully. ...
- Good handwriting. ...
- Structure your answer. ...
- Use simple language. ...
- Don't write everything you know. ...
- Review your answers thoroughly. ...
- Choose questions wisely. ...
- Attempt all the questions.
The most popular one is because. Others include so, since, consequently, as a result, and therefore. Provide a personal interpretation. The student often inaccurately assumes the reader or teacher defines the answer the same way they do.
Why do people give short answers? ›Someone may be giving short replies because you're asking closed-ended questions that can be answered with a "yes" or "no". An open-ended question requires them to give a more fleshed out reply. For example, instead of asking if they had a good vacation, ask them what the highlight of it was.
What are the advantage of short answer? ›Gives opportunities for students to show higher level skills and knowledge. Allows students to elaborate on responses in a limited way. Provides an opportunity to assess a student's writing ability. Can be less time consuming to prepare than other item types.
Are short answer questions better than multiple choice? ›With MCQS, there is often a focus on correct answers, rather than critical thinking skills. With SAQS, being concise is key and there is often a specific number of ideas or facts that you need to mention in order to get full marks in a question.
How do you answer a long answer? ›
- Time.
- Know What is Being Asked of You.
- Make an Outline.
- Be to the Point.
- Support Your Arguments.
- Be Detailed.
- Keep that Answer Tidy.
- Proofread.
- Write a topic sentence.
- Introduce and present your example.
- Explain your example.
- Link your paragraph.
- Put it all together.
Interview answers should be 30 seconds to four minutes, depending on the context of the questions. Your response may be short (30 seconds to two minutes) if the question is simple. For example, if the hiring manager asks you to describe your strengths, you might speak for 90 seconds to explain where you're proficient.