I Broke Up With My Girlfriend, But I Think I Miss Her | BetterHelp (2023)

You finally do it, you rip that Band-Aid off and break up with your girlfriend. Initially, after all that time thinking, “I want to break up with my girlfriend, but I love them”, and stressing out over it, you may feel relieved, excited about being single, or ready to find a more fulfilling relationship by dating other people.

But then a few weeks later, you find that you feel sad, miss them, and want them back in your world. Why does this happen after a relationship ends?

Why Do You Miss Your Girlfriend After A Break-Up?

When you break up with someone you care about deeply in your life, it's sometimes because you're afraid of the changes that person represents, like growing up and outgrowing some of your friends.

When it comes down to it, you might ask yourself how important hanging on to your “freedom” really is when all is said and done. When all your friends leave your apartment and go home to their own world - perhaps inhabited by partners and/or children - you may feel lonely or guilty for deciding to end things. If there’s no real closure, you will most likely also still feel sad, hurt, and lost, too.

In a study involving over 5,700 participants from 96 countries, researchers discovered that, after a breakup, men tended to be more regretful, while women tended to reflect and move on after speaking with friends, family, or clergies. When you find yourself missing the person you broke up with and feeling worse about it, it is important to search for the truth and reassess the reasons for the breakup in the first place.

Try writing it down --what was the reason you broke up with your girlfriend, and did that differ from what you told them? If you felt suffocated and your negative emotions led to the idea of breaking up, did you discuss this with them and hope to seek solutions? If that's not the case, perhaps what you need to work on establishing boundaries within an otherwise healthy relationship. Failing to do so is a reason why a lot of relationships end.

It is common to feel a need for space in a serious relationship, but should you end a relationship to get it? If you decided to do this and find yourself missing your girlfriend every day, the answer is, probably not. Instead of communicating your relationship issues, you may have acted hastily and made a wrong decision, and now you may want to backtrack because you regret breaking up. This is a common thought that emerges, even when people start dating someone else.

Is It Too Late To Go Back?

If you really miss your girlfriend, there’s no shame in admitting these feelings. It takes time to analyze any situation. It may be best to give yourself and your ex-girlfriend time to process through intense emotions.However, if a few months or even years go by and you still miss what you had in the past, you might be wondering if your girlfriend will take you back, or evenbe your friend again?

Maybe, maybe not. But don't let the "maybe not" prevent you from asking about their feelings and emotions on the matter in an effort to gain clarity. If you entertain the idea of getting back together and you do decide to ask, and they’re willing to take you back, the issues that prompted you to end the relationship may still be present. Just because you acted too quickly doesn't mean you were without justification or were in the wrong.

Maybe you don't know what you want. Before rushing into reconciliation, you may benefit from waiting and exploring what you're willing to do to make the relationship work. You will likely want to know what your ex-girlfriend is willing to do, as well. There may be no point in asking your ex to take you back if you both are going to engage in the same negative cycles or patterns that compelled you to break up with your girlfriend in the first place.

If you hope to succeed, you can address these concerns by being honest and showing respectforo each other's emotions, experiences, and perceptions.

Once you've given the issue some thought, consider texting, calling, or scheduling a video chat with your ex. You can also get together somewhere and talk things over. It may not be wise to get your ex’s hopes up or "put the ball in their court" by saying you want to get back together right away. You might start by explaining, truthfully, why you broke things off and how you think you could make changes to address the problems that made it hard to continue growing in your relationship. By showing vulnerability, your ex-girlfriend may feel comfortable doing the same thing and how they want to change.

All partners will face conflicts within their relationships. In hindsight, issues that felt so big in the moment might feel small with the passing of time. Alternatively, you may come to feel more confident in your decision to end your relationship. Having an open and honest conversation can make a world of a difference going forward and help answer questions by allowing you to process what happened in the past.

What You Need Versus What You're Willing to Compromise

When we first meet someone and fall in love with them, we often spend a lot of time together and are so immersed in those feel-good emotions that we may not consider how being in a long-term relationship with this person might compel us to change or grow. By the time those changes occur, we may have crossed so many boundaries with our partner that we don't know how to get back to a state of emotional balance in our life.

It's not impossible to achieve this balance, but many people either break up or continue in a relationship with the wrong person, even if it isn't working out.

If you feel like things have moved too quickly, it’s a good thing to speak up. Perhaps your partner is thinking the same thing. Taking time to think about your needs and wants can be beneficial to both partners in a monogamous relationship. Once you've settled and you’re feeling ready, reach out for a conversation.

Support Is Available

Whatever your decision is regarding missing your girlfriend and breaking up with them in the first place, you may need someimpartial advice or help learning new tools to bring into your re-ignited relationship. This is definitely important if you have kids together since your break-up impacts their lives, too.

You might need some help in uncovering the true reason behind the breakup.. This is one of the more difficult conversations you can have, and it won’t necessarily be fun, but showing respect and addressing these feelings and emotions will be important if you have any desire to repair your love life.Talking to someone outside of the situation – a neutral party -- can help you and your partner gain the clarity you need.

An online counselor is a great option for you to consider when you are thinking about whether to reconcile with your girlfriend. Sometimes talking to a person who is objective and hearing their advice can be freeing and can feel safer than talking to your close friends or family, who may have their own biases and opinions about how you should conduct your relationship or life.

BetterHelp’s licensed and professional counselors have the experience to help you to understand what healthy relationships can look like and how to navigate disagreements with your potential life partner. That way, when something’s wrong in this relationship or a future relationship, you can use tools to identify and resolve issues (or leave a situation that isn’t serving you). Online therapy can be particularly useful for long-distance couples who may find it more difficult to attend in-person sessions. In cases where the sting of a break-up is still present, online therapy can create a less challenging environment than a face-to-face appointment might entail.

Online therapy has helped many couples resolve relationship concerns and/or find closure in order to move forward amicably. Using an eight-hour online intervention adapted from an empirically based, in-person mode of couples therapy, researchers discovered that participating couples experienced significant improvements in relationship satisfaction, relationship confidence, and quality of life, among other personal benefits.

If you aren’t familiar with the concept of online counseling, you may want to check out more blogs like this one or read reviews (like the ones below) for BetterHelp counselors who have assisted people going through similar experiences.

Counselor Reviews

"I've worked with Alyson for 1 month and it was my first time working with a therapist. From when I started, I feel so much better. I was dealing with frustrations in my relationship and I also was constantly stressed and anxious. Alyson showed me ways to communicate better in my relationship and how to work at them. She also helped me with stress management tactics and now I feel really good about how to handle my stress. I feel much less anxious now. Overall I am in a much happier place and obstacles feel like merely obstacles because there's stress-free ways to tackle life problems. Thank you so much, Alyson!"

"Mark is an amazing therapist. He listens so well and has such valuable insight on male and female perspectives and issues while also not passing judgment. I have only just begun, but he has already given me so many great takeaways to improve my relationships and situations. I am filled with gratitude, and I would highly recommend him to anyone!!"

Takeaway

Almost all of us experience breakups. Some of those breakups are necessary in the long run, and few are easy, even if you want to break up with your partner. If you have trouble getting through a breakup with a person you loved, especially if it was with someone you considered your best friend, this is normal. Support is available both through your friends and family and through professional counseling at BetterHelp. Whatever your story is, you can move forward in your life with the right tools. Take thefirst step.