5 Habits of Securely Attached Couples - Trauma Solutions (2023)

Securely Attached couples share deep connection and intimacy with their partners based on trust that you will consistently meet one another’s needs.

Turning toward your partner when they ask for your attention or affection is one of the greatest strengths in an intimate relationship according to the Gottman Relationships Research Institute.

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Here are 5 additional habits common among Securely Attached couples.

#1 A Commitment to Helping their Partners Feel Valued

Small appreciations and constant reminders to your partner that they are valued, and you notice what they do on a daily basis for your relationship, family and household duties not only makes your partner feel appreciated but also generates more positive feelings about your partner.

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Make it a point to show your appreciation and consider thanking your partner by communicating in their Love Language.

# 2 Incorporating Playfulness and Fun

Having fun and regular play are both essential aspects of a healthy relationship. Pet names, private jokes, and keeping a sense of wonder about your partner and relationship can alleviate stress and enhance sex.


Play can include physical sports, games, or even something as simple as a wink or flirtation from across the room. Texting your partner throughout the day to let your partner know you are thinking of them also maintains a connection when you are apart.

#3 Consistent Positive Interactions

A gentle touch, kind words, and sweet looks shared between partners help you remain emotionally united. Speaking with a calm tone, even during disagreements, can also alleviate some of the pressure and stress when the two of you are not on the same page.

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While problematic interactions are likely to occur, having a solid foundation of positivity will make the negative interactions less destructive.

#4 A Genuine Interest in Your Partner

Your partner likely had a multitude of experiences before you met. Having a genuine curiosity about your partner’s past, their dreams, and how they became the person that you love will allow you to learn about your partner over the course of your lifetime together.

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Staying interested in your partner’s professional and social experiences outside the relationship also supports your connection.

#5 A Desire to Grow Together

Long-term relationships are never perfect but are always an opportunity to grow both individually and as a couple. When you encounter roadblocks, working through them and acknowledging the lessons learned will prevent you from making the same mistakes repeatedly.

(Video) CPTSD & Attachment Styles: Partners Who Trigger Abandonment Wounds

Our most intimate relationships are often a mirror into our own Attachment issues and an opportunity to develop Secure Attachment through intimate partnership.


1. CPTSD & Attachment Styles: Partners Who Trigger Abandonment Wounds
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2. The Attachment Theory: How Childhood Affects Life
3. ACES, Trauma, Abandonment, Codependency & Attachment | Addressing Codependency & Abandonment Issues
(Doc Snipes)
5. How to Spot the 7 Traits of Avoidant Personality Disorder
6. Complex Trauma - Part 1/8
(Tim Fletcher)


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