10 Signs You Lack Self-Love – Psych2Go (2023)

Disclaimer: Self-love is a serious and sensitive subject. This article is for informative purposes only and is in no way intended to serve as mental health advice. If you feel that you are struggling, it is best to seek advice from a qualified mental health professional or doctor.

Self-love affects us in every way. From the way we view ourselves, to the decisions we make, to even the relationships we have with others: having a level of self-love is necessary in maintaining a positive well-being and having a sense of belonging. However, life is difficult and we may grow up in situations that are undesirable. These circumstances can make loving yourself extremely difficult which in turn affects your whole life. These reasons for lacking self-love are usually irrational and a result of a bad situation. However, help and resources are always available. In this article, we’ll be discussing several signs that you may be lacking self-love. Remember to reach out to someone you trust if you feel that you are struggling.

1. You Hide Your True Self From Others

People may change themselves around others to hide parts of their personalities. This process is known as masking. They may worry about being judged for who they truly are, so they act differently to make up for it. Perhaps even, they do so because they don’t like a certain aspect about themselves and try to change their behavior to satisfy themselves (Dornelly 2014).

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2. You Overanalyze Your Own Behavior

Similar to masking, a person may overanalyze their own behavior. They then use this information to develop a mask for themselves. They may study the behavior of the people around them in an attempt to mimic them. It should be noted that it’s common for people to do this on a smaller scale; when someone is with their friends, they may act differently than what they do with others. This is normal. However, it becomes problematic when someone hyper-analyzes their behavior and uses it to ridicule and change themselves in order to become someone else (Dornelly 2014).

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3. You Have a Strong Fear of Being Judged by Others

This is a huge sign that ties in with many of the others. Some people may worry that others are closely observing what they’re doing, how they’re acting, or what they’re wearing to the point that it makes it hard for them to go out in public. They may need to make serious changes before they consider themselves “acceptable.” These feelings are usually highly irrational and may impact a person’s relationships with others (Sewell 2020).

(Video) 10 Signs You Lack Self Love

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4. You Treat Your Mental and Physical Health Poorly

People lacking self-love may treat their mental and physical health poorly. They may skip meals or overeat. Additionally, they may not take time for themselves and work on building their happiness. In some cases they may turn to alcohol and other substances to cope with their feelings. Self care is incredibly important. Even taking small steps will have tremendous improvements on your wellbeing. Learning to eat healthier and exercising is important (Arylo 2019). Similarly meditation or partaking in a hobby (or both!) are great ways to build upon yourself. Finally, reaching out and getting help to deal with addiction is essential to improving: national-helpline.

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5. You Feel Inferior to Others

Some people will feel that they’re somehow inferior to others. Maybe it’s their personality, intelligence, or appearance that they’re insecure about. This combines with hyper awareness where someone will harshly judge themselves and try to mask who they are (Sewell 2020).

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6. You’re Too Hard on Yourself

Some people may feel that they are not doing enough. They may diminish their accomplishments and focus on their failures. They’re in a constant uphill battle to achieve more without taking a moment to appreciate what they have done. They compare themselves to others and hyperfixate on their shortcomings, never feeling satisfied with what they have (Path of Self-Love 2017).

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(Video) 10 Signs You Lack Self Love || Psych2go

7. You Lack Confidence

People lacking in self-love may feel that their opinion and voice doesn’t matter. They may discredit their ideas and keep quiet instead of speaking up. Similar to feeling inferior, they feel that it’s best if they don’t offer any input out of their fear of being rejected or judged (Page 2020).

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8. You Need Excessive Affirmation and Attention

A person lacking in self-love may need excessive affirmation that they’re doing okay. They have a hard time accepting who they are and need the attention and affection from others in order to feel validated. This puts a tremendous strain on relationships and can be emotionally taxing for themselves and the people around them (Dornelly 2014).

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9. You Have Difficult and Unstable Relationships

Relationships are difficult as is. People who are lacking self-love may find themselves in unique problems. On one hand, a person may shut others out of their life because of their fear for rejection. On the other, people may feel that they are the inferior partner in a relationship and need constant validation. They may feel that their partner is too good for them which creates an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship (Dornelly 2014).

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10. You Settle for Less

People lacking self-love may settle for less than what they can achieve. They may give up their dreams and settle for something completely different. Part of this may be due to their fear of failure, otherwise, a person may not feel that they have what it takes and sell themselves short on achieving what they truly want. This can be especially harmful as they may be settling for a less satisfactory life (Arylo 2017).

(Video) 8 Signs of Low Self Esteem

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Self-love is truly important. Life is insanely difficult and has many ups and downs. It is important to know however that things can improve. If you are struggling, it’s always a great idea to reach out and talk to someone you trust. There are many resources available to get help and improve your situation. Sometimes all it takes is getting in contact with the right mental health professional and taking the first big step into creating a better life.

Like this article? We have it available as a video as well.


  • Arylo, C. (2019, February 12). 5 Signs You Lack Self-Love. Retrieved from https://medium.com/thrive-global/5-signs-you-lack-self-love-b3ae3e58e7d7
  • Arylo, C. (2017, February 26). 12 Signs You Lack Self Love. Retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/12-signs-you-lack-self-lo_b_9329236
  • Dornelly, A. G. (2014, July 04). Eight key signs that you are lacking in self-love. Retrieved from https://www.lifecoach-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/8-key-signs-that-you-are-lacking-in-self-love
  • Love, T. P. (2018, April 24). Do You Love Yourself? 5 Signs That You Lack Self Love. Retrieved from https://pathofselflove.org/2017/02/do-you-love-yourself/
  • Partridge, J. (2018, April 18). 5 Signs You Are Lacking Self Love. Retrieved from https://jenniferpartridge.com/5-signs-you-are-lacking-self-love/
  • Sewell, B. (2020, February 29). The 69 most common signs of low self-worth. Retrieved from https://increasingselfworth.com/69-signs-of-low-self-worth/

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